by Peter
These days it seems like everyone wants to lose weight. Whether it be for appearance issues or health reasons, it is becoming quite the trend. But we all know that it is not always easy to lose weight.
Weight loss motivation is one of the hardest types of motivation to acquire. Why is that? First of all we need to have food to survive. It is not something that we can just put away and never pick it up again. So healthy eating is one goal that we need to set for ourselves. This goal will give us a tool to weight loss motivation.
Another goal that we need to set is for exercise. You can't just cut down the food intake, you also need to exercise and raise your metabolism rate. One mistake that people make when trying to lose weight is that they deprive themselves of all the foods that they love. Wrong! You can have anything in moderation.
If you try to deprive yourself of the foods that you love, it will back fire on you and you will end up eating more than normal. Also, it will de-motivate you if you have the mindset that you can never have that favorite piece of chocolate cake again!
So setting goals is probably the first step in weight loss motivation. Set realistic goals for yourself. If you think that you can realistically stand to lose 15 pounds then write it down. If you think that you can start that goal by running 1 mile per day, then write it down. Maybe you can only walk 1/2 mile per day.
Whatever you think you can do realistically, will be your new goals. Just do not set them too high. Make sure that they are goals that are possible to meet.
It is a good idea to write the goals down and keep them where you can look at them daily. This will remind you of what is important to you and why you are wanting to achieve weight loss motivation.
Reward yourself when you lose a pound or two. Pat yourself on the back, buy a new sweater, or do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better (no food rewards, though!) A reward must be something that you desire. If it isn't, then it is not a reward and it will serve no purpose.
Out of all the reasons to get motivated, such as financial gains, workplace motivation, etc. Weight loss motivation seems to be the one most sought after and the most difficult to obtain. It can be done. It will eventually become a habit to do the morning workouts and replace the old habits in your life.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Why Personal Motivation is The Key To Success
by Peter
When it comes to success, a person needs to be able to achieve personal motivation. Personal motivation is what drives us internally and externally to succeed in what ever we want to succeed in.
Without personal motivation, we wouldn't be able to accomplish anything. Personal motivation can be motivation to do just about anything. It can be motivation to lose weight, or to complete a task at the workplace, or to do something that you have put on the back burner for a while. A person can also be motivated to stop doing things such as using drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes.
So how do we gain personal motivation? The first thing we need to do is set goals for ourselves. These goals have to be realistic goals and they have to be a possible gain.
We tend to set our goals too high and then fail. This is just a step backward in the personal motivation search. Goals are of utmost importance in gaining personal motivation. They give us the push we need to get the job done.
It is a good idea to write down your goals. This makes it easier to see them on a daily basis and be reminded of what you are reaching for.
Another great strategy is to write up a contract between you and yourself and state the goals in it. Then sign and date the contract. You might even put a deadline for the goals to be met. It is just another way of pushing ourselves into doing something we want.
We also need to look at the objectives. The objectives are going to be what it will take to get us to our goals. Be specific with your objectives. It is a good idea to have your objectives measure what and when the goals need to be done. For instance, an objective might be like this: I will lose 10 pounds in 1 months time.
After our goals have been set and we know exactly what our expectations of ourselves are, then it is time to go to the next step. The next phase to personal motivation is making a commitment to keep after these goals until they are met. Keep pushing on, and then maybe even raising our standards higher.
Never look back on past failures. This really does nothing for our self-esteem. It will only set you back to dwell on the mistakes you have made in the past. Now then, you can learn from your mistakes, just don't keep looking back at them.
Rewarding ourselves when we do meet our goals is very important in this process, as well. We need a pat on the back for hard work and effort. Personal motivation can be achieved if goals and objectives are set and a commitment is made to keep them.
When it comes to success, a person needs to be able to achieve personal motivation. Personal motivation is what drives us internally and externally to succeed in what ever we want to succeed in.
Without personal motivation, we wouldn't be able to accomplish anything. Personal motivation can be motivation to do just about anything. It can be motivation to lose weight, or to complete a task at the workplace, or to do something that you have put on the back burner for a while. A person can also be motivated to stop doing things such as using drugs, drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes.
So how do we gain personal motivation? The first thing we need to do is set goals for ourselves. These goals have to be realistic goals and they have to be a possible gain.
We tend to set our goals too high and then fail. This is just a step backward in the personal motivation search. Goals are of utmost importance in gaining personal motivation. They give us the push we need to get the job done.
It is a good idea to write down your goals. This makes it easier to see them on a daily basis and be reminded of what you are reaching for.
Another great strategy is to write up a contract between you and yourself and state the goals in it. Then sign and date the contract. You might even put a deadline for the goals to be met. It is just another way of pushing ourselves into doing something we want.
We also need to look at the objectives. The objectives are going to be what it will take to get us to our goals. Be specific with your objectives. It is a good idea to have your objectives measure what and when the goals need to be done. For instance, an objective might be like this: I will lose 10 pounds in 1 months time.
After our goals have been set and we know exactly what our expectations of ourselves are, then it is time to go to the next step. The next phase to personal motivation is making a commitment to keep after these goals until they are met. Keep pushing on, and then maybe even raising our standards higher.
Never look back on past failures. This really does nothing for our self-esteem. It will only set you back to dwell on the mistakes you have made in the past. Now then, you can learn from your mistakes, just don't keep looking back at them.
Rewarding ourselves when we do meet our goals is very important in this process, as well. We need a pat on the back for hard work and effort. Personal motivation can be achieved if goals and objectives are set and a commitment is made to keep them.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Motivation and Personality - Which Type Are You?
by Peter
The level of motivation that a person has depends a lot on the personality of that person. If a person has the personality of a quiet, shy type of person, their motivation will come from living within that personality.
They are more likely to get motivated in different ways to that of a person who has a loud and bold personality. If a person has a go-getter personality then their motivation will be strong and vivacious, with a nothing can stop them type attitude.
Personality has a big impact on how we are motivated in our lives. Motivation and personality are definitely connected.
There are three basic personalities that seem to be motivation for what we do and who we want to become.
1. The need for power
This personality has a strong desire or drive to make people act or behave in a way that they would not otherwise behave.
This type of motivation is usually found in a strong-willed person. They like to be in charge of situations. The motivation is more for power and prestige than doing a great job.
2. Need for achievement
This type of personality has a strong drive to excel. This person usually strives to succeed at everything they try.
They avoid really hard tasks as well as really easy tasks. They like 50/50 odds and are not gamblers. The motivation is to achieve it on their own with their own skills.
3. Need for affiliation
This type of personality has the need for strong interpersonal relationships with others. This person is usually a soft-spoken quiet individual.
This person strives for friendships. The motivation for this personality is being cooperative rather than being competitive. They seek mutual understanding.
There are also combinations of one or more of these types of personalities, as well. They determine what motivates a person to do the things that they want and need to do.
Whichever personality a person possesses, they need to start with goal setting to achieve motivation. The first step is setting goals that are realistic to your specific needs and wants.
Try not to set these goals too high, nor too low. Either one of these will cause undesirable results. The goals must be possible to attain or they are useless to us. This step is essential to motivation. You can't be motivated if you do not have goals.
Rewarding yourself for your hard work and effort is another essential part of learning motivation. There must be rewards for a job well done. It is what keeps us going.
Motivation and personality do go hand in hand. As you can see, different people and personalities are motivated by different drives. Successes are measured by different motivations and rewards.
The level of motivation that a person has depends a lot on the personality of that person. If a person has the personality of a quiet, shy type of person, their motivation will come from living within that personality.
They are more likely to get motivated in different ways to that of a person who has a loud and bold personality. If a person has a go-getter personality then their motivation will be strong and vivacious, with a nothing can stop them type attitude.
Personality has a big impact on how we are motivated in our lives. Motivation and personality are definitely connected.
There are three basic personalities that seem to be motivation for what we do and who we want to become.
1. The need for power
This personality has a strong desire or drive to make people act or behave in a way that they would not otherwise behave.
This type of motivation is usually found in a strong-willed person. They like to be in charge of situations. The motivation is more for power and prestige than doing a great job.
2. Need for achievement
This type of personality has a strong drive to excel. This person usually strives to succeed at everything they try.
They avoid really hard tasks as well as really easy tasks. They like 50/50 odds and are not gamblers. The motivation is to achieve it on their own with their own skills.
3. Need for affiliation
This type of personality has the need for strong interpersonal relationships with others. This person is usually a soft-spoken quiet individual.
This person strives for friendships. The motivation for this personality is being cooperative rather than being competitive. They seek mutual understanding.
There are also combinations of one or more of these types of personalities, as well. They determine what motivates a person to do the things that they want and need to do.
Whichever personality a person possesses, they need to start with goal setting to achieve motivation. The first step is setting goals that are realistic to your specific needs and wants.
Try not to set these goals too high, nor too low. Either one of these will cause undesirable results. The goals must be possible to attain or they are useless to us. This step is essential to motivation. You can't be motivated if you do not have goals.
Rewarding yourself for your hard work and effort is another essential part of learning motivation. There must be rewards for a job well done. It is what keeps us going.
Motivation and personality do go hand in hand. As you can see, different people and personalities are motivated by different drives. Successes are measured by different motivations and rewards.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
I Am Me And I’m OK
by Virginia Satir
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it – I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it – I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Do You Have A Dream?
Everyone had a dream at one time or another. Many people put them aside as they get older for fear of being thought silly or unpractical.
If you had enough money, confidence, ability and anything else you might need, what would you do?
Which people, plights, situations move you the most?
If you could help them, what would you do?
If you were made God for a week what would you change?
If you were offered superhuman abilities what would you choose?
These sound like fanciful thoughts, but it is these that can help you get in touch with Who You Are… rather than Who You Should Be.
The dream matters less than finding out what you stand for. This will help you find a direction to move in towards finding a purpose. With every minute spent dreaming you fill your mind with the kinds of hormones and chemicals that create thoughts of joy, motivation and optimism.
The longer you do this for, the more you train your brain to think in a more positive way. The more positive that you feel, the more possibilities you will see.
Sooner or later you’ll hit upon a cause or a path that excites you every time you think about it. Initially you may say to yourself that it’s impossible or unrealistic. Never mind. Keep dreaming, as it makes you feel good.
After a while you’ll get clearer about exactly what it is you want to do. Then the first step will come to you. It will seem doable. Maybe you’ll act, but get overwhelmed by the size of the whole project. That’s ok. It’s a sign that you need to move back into the dreaming stage.
It is from your dreams that you get hope. And hope is the fuel that motivates and sustains you through adversity. It is hope that gives you purpose, excitement, joy and motivation. Dreaming is a way to change your brain chemistry to give you the confidence and ability to move your ideas into reality.
If you had enough money, confidence, ability and anything else you might need, what would you do?
Which people, plights, situations move you the most?
If you could help them, what would you do?
If you were made God for a week what would you change?
If you were offered superhuman abilities what would you choose?
These sound like fanciful thoughts, but it is these that can help you get in touch with Who You Are… rather than Who You Should Be.
The dream matters less than finding out what you stand for. This will help you find a direction to move in towards finding a purpose. With every minute spent dreaming you fill your mind with the kinds of hormones and chemicals that create thoughts of joy, motivation and optimism.
The longer you do this for, the more you train your brain to think in a more positive way. The more positive that you feel, the more possibilities you will see.
Sooner or later you’ll hit upon a cause or a path that excites you every time you think about it. Initially you may say to yourself that it’s impossible or unrealistic. Never mind. Keep dreaming, as it makes you feel good.
After a while you’ll get clearer about exactly what it is you want to do. Then the first step will come to you. It will seem doable. Maybe you’ll act, but get overwhelmed by the size of the whole project. That’s ok. It’s a sign that you need to move back into the dreaming stage.
It is from your dreams that you get hope. And hope is the fuel that motivates and sustains you through adversity. It is hope that gives you purpose, excitement, joy and motivation. Dreaming is a way to change your brain chemistry to give you the confidence and ability to move your ideas into reality.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Getting Through the Sadness
by Karen Rowinsky
Many say the first year after the loss of a loved is the hardest but most people find that different seasons or dates bring up sadness and feelings of grief years after our loved one has died. There are things we can do to ease our pain during these seasons of sadness no matter when they occur.
I’ve never really been a summer person but since 1994, the dog days of summer have really become my season of sadness. My first husband died on August 19 of that year. Ever since, the weeks surrounding that date have been difficult for me.
Most people mark their year with anniversaries – the celebration of birthdays, holidays, and days significant to us for one reason or another. After a loss, those anniversaries can be quite painful. I, personally, have found the days and weeks leading up to each anniversary date to be harder than the day itself. I call this anticipatory grieving.
The dictionary defines grief as, "keen mental suffering, distress over affliction or loss, and sharp sadness." We often associate grieving with the death of a loved one but we can grieve any time we suffer a loss. We can grieve over the loss of a job, a relationship, or our health. We can grieve when we move from a home, have financial difficulties, or do not realize a dream. We can grieve alone, as a family or community.
While we share the experience of grieving with every other person on this planet, the way we grieve is unique to each of us. Some describe the act of grieving in different stages. Yet grieving is not a linear experience but a process that weaves through the fabric of our life. While the intensity of our grief can ebb and flow, there are no time boundaries to our grief. Even if our loss occurred years ago, we can experience grief at any time. Sometimes our grief surprises us as if it is saying, "Hey, I’m not done with you yet!"
I've had a love/hate relationship with my grief. Grief is good; it just hurts so badly. Because I had experienced many losses prior my husband's death, I was familiar with grieving and healthy ways to do it. In the days, weeks, and months after my husband's death I even welcomed those times of intense sadness and pain because in some way they made me feel closer to him. But, when my heart began aching, my natural inclination was to run away from the feelings rather than let them wash over me. I have to constantly remind myself to just "be" in my grief.
I have found the following strategies helpful during my seasons of sadness. I hope you will find them helpful in yours.
Embrace Your Grief
We all have built defense mechanisms to help us deal with pain. This is not the time to use them though. As a wave of grief begins to pass over you, let it flow. Acknowledge that you have good reason to feel this way and the more you let yourself experience grief, the less it will stick around. While the wave may last for minutes, hours, or even days it will eventually play itself out and you will feel peace again. My dad’s favorite expression was "this too shall pass." He used it throughout his life but especially during the pain at the end of it. Your grief too shall pass. Embrace it until it does.
Experience Your Uniqueness
Each of us experiences grief in our own way. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't let others tell you how to grieve. Our loved ones don’t like to see us suffer. In order to avoid this, they often encourage us, in not so subtle ways, to hide our feelings. Or they may be quite up front about telling us to get over it. Accept your own uniqueness. Grieve in the way that is right for you.
Be Kind to Yourself
During times of grieving we should be especially good to ourselves. That means we should take care of ourselves by getting enough sleep, eating well, drinking plenty of water, and doing some kind of physical exercise frequently to alleviate our stress. Don't push yourself to do things you don't want to do but be careful of the stress caused by avoiding doing those things. Being kind to yourself also means not anesthetizing yourself from your grief. Be careful not to use alcohol, drugs, or even food to avoid feeling your pain. If you feel overwhelmed, seek counsel from the leader of your faith community, your health care provider, or a therapist.
Express Yourself
The expression of grief can be in words, actions, or tears. Crying can be quite a relief yet many of us are afraid to cry during times of intense sadness because it feels as if we start we will never be able to stop. Don't worry, you will eventually stop but in the meantime you will reap the benefits of a good cry. If you are like me, and do your best crying in private, be sure to find the alone time to let the tears flow. You may also gain comfort in writing what you feel. If you feel awkward in doing this, try writing your feelings in the form of a letter to a trusted friend. You don’t necessarily have to mail the letter but the writing can be the cathartic experience you need.
Surround Yourself with Love
While you may be a very private person and prefer to experience your grief alone, this is not the time to isolate yourself. Reach out to friends and family. They may need you more than you need them. When you’re with other people you will have more opportunities to laugh (a wonderful grief reliever), gain perspective, and share your pain. Share rituals with others, too. You may want to commemorate the anniversaries of loss with a time to reminisce or even a celebration of hope.
We need to honor our losses by letting ourselves grieve them. Life has many seasons of sadness. Just like spring follows winter, our sorrow is eventually followed by joy. We need both to truly make our life work.
Many say the first year after the loss of a loved is the hardest but most people find that different seasons or dates bring up sadness and feelings of grief years after our loved one has died. There are things we can do to ease our pain during these seasons of sadness no matter when they occur.
I’ve never really been a summer person but since 1994, the dog days of summer have really become my season of sadness. My first husband died on August 19 of that year. Ever since, the weeks surrounding that date have been difficult for me.
Most people mark their year with anniversaries – the celebration of birthdays, holidays, and days significant to us for one reason or another. After a loss, those anniversaries can be quite painful. I, personally, have found the days and weeks leading up to each anniversary date to be harder than the day itself. I call this anticipatory grieving.
The dictionary defines grief as, "keen mental suffering, distress over affliction or loss, and sharp sadness." We often associate grieving with the death of a loved one but we can grieve any time we suffer a loss. We can grieve over the loss of a job, a relationship, or our health. We can grieve when we move from a home, have financial difficulties, or do not realize a dream. We can grieve alone, as a family or community.
While we share the experience of grieving with every other person on this planet, the way we grieve is unique to each of us. Some describe the act of grieving in different stages. Yet grieving is not a linear experience but a process that weaves through the fabric of our life. While the intensity of our grief can ebb and flow, there are no time boundaries to our grief. Even if our loss occurred years ago, we can experience grief at any time. Sometimes our grief surprises us as if it is saying, "Hey, I’m not done with you yet!"
I've had a love/hate relationship with my grief. Grief is good; it just hurts so badly. Because I had experienced many losses prior my husband's death, I was familiar with grieving and healthy ways to do it. In the days, weeks, and months after my husband's death I even welcomed those times of intense sadness and pain because in some way they made me feel closer to him. But, when my heart began aching, my natural inclination was to run away from the feelings rather than let them wash over me. I have to constantly remind myself to just "be" in my grief.
I have found the following strategies helpful during my seasons of sadness. I hope you will find them helpful in yours.
Embrace Your Grief
We all have built defense mechanisms to help us deal with pain. This is not the time to use them though. As a wave of grief begins to pass over you, let it flow. Acknowledge that you have good reason to feel this way and the more you let yourself experience grief, the less it will stick around. While the wave may last for minutes, hours, or even days it will eventually play itself out and you will feel peace again. My dad’s favorite expression was "this too shall pass." He used it throughout his life but especially during the pain at the end of it. Your grief too shall pass. Embrace it until it does.
Experience Your Uniqueness
Each of us experiences grief in our own way. Don't compare yourself to others. Don't let others tell you how to grieve. Our loved ones don’t like to see us suffer. In order to avoid this, they often encourage us, in not so subtle ways, to hide our feelings. Or they may be quite up front about telling us to get over it. Accept your own uniqueness. Grieve in the way that is right for you.
Be Kind to Yourself
During times of grieving we should be especially good to ourselves. That means we should take care of ourselves by getting enough sleep, eating well, drinking plenty of water, and doing some kind of physical exercise frequently to alleviate our stress. Don't push yourself to do things you don't want to do but be careful of the stress caused by avoiding doing those things. Being kind to yourself also means not anesthetizing yourself from your grief. Be careful not to use alcohol, drugs, or even food to avoid feeling your pain. If you feel overwhelmed, seek counsel from the leader of your faith community, your health care provider, or a therapist.
Express Yourself
The expression of grief can be in words, actions, or tears. Crying can be quite a relief yet many of us are afraid to cry during times of intense sadness because it feels as if we start we will never be able to stop. Don't worry, you will eventually stop but in the meantime you will reap the benefits of a good cry. If you are like me, and do your best crying in private, be sure to find the alone time to let the tears flow. You may also gain comfort in writing what you feel. If you feel awkward in doing this, try writing your feelings in the form of a letter to a trusted friend. You don’t necessarily have to mail the letter but the writing can be the cathartic experience you need.
Surround Yourself with Love
While you may be a very private person and prefer to experience your grief alone, this is not the time to isolate yourself. Reach out to friends and family. They may need you more than you need them. When you’re with other people you will have more opportunities to laugh (a wonderful grief reliever), gain perspective, and share your pain. Share rituals with others, too. You may want to commemorate the anniversaries of loss with a time to reminisce or even a celebration of hope.
We need to honor our losses by letting ourselves grieve them. Life has many seasons of sadness. Just like spring follows winter, our sorrow is eventually followed by joy. We need both to truly make our life work.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Straight From The Horse's Mouth
by Karen Schachter
Who knew how much a horse could teach a person? As a long-time dog owner and animal lover, I was always aware of the powerful healing potential animals can have. I always knew instinctively - and now I know it to be true based on my knowledge of the brain - that mammals have an ability to feel, connect with and care for others.
What I didn't realize was how much a horse could teach me about myself - and in such a short time!
After spending half a day today at Riding Far Farm with my friend and colleague, Paul Haefner and his partner, Elizabeth Siegert, I am awed by the incredible capacity a horse has to reflect back to me my own "stuff" - fears, limiting beliefs, ways of relating to others, and strengths. Horses are incredibly intuitive and therefore provide a non-judgmental mirror; and in that mirror, I was able to see patterns (some effective and some not so effective) that I use in my life.
In the first "exercise" (all of the exercises are done on the ground; no riding involved), we were instructed to introduce ourselves to each of the three horses in the ring. The first one was easy - I stretched my hand forward, used my high-pitched "it's okay sweetie" voice and let the horse come to me. We bonded. The second horse was pretty much the same thing. (Paul wondered if this is how I usually get people to respond to me - sweetly rather than more assertively...hmmm, good question).
But the third - ah, not so easy. I saw that big horse with one missing eye who showed no interest whatsoever in me, who kept eating his grass when I used my tried-and-true techniques, and I was stuck. I felt the fear ("he's dangerous") rise up in me and after a minute or two of "trying," I backed off.
In the second exercise, we were asked to work as a team to put a harness around one of the horses. As the "leader" of my team, I, curiously, chose the "dangerous" horse. And each time we approached, he walked away, over to another patch of grass to continue his lunch. Again and again and again. I wanted to give up. (Same thing as earlier - who wants to be rejected over and over??!). I was "sure" that this horse would NEVER allow us to harness him. And, I feared, if we kept trying, he would certainly attack us.
Luckily, I recognized this fear as irrational. I recognized a pattern in myself of wanting to "give up" when the going gets too tough; when I am faced with something I decide is "too scary"; or when I'm afraid I'll fail (or be rejected somehow). Having that awareness allowed me to say to my team, "let's approach him with confidence. No more beating around the bush; no more giving him the message that we're ambivalent and unsure of ourselves. Let's let him know we mean business here!"
And guess what? On that turn, the horse responded. He let us put the harness on him and he even stood there for a while with us once it was on.
A huge lesson for me: My reaction to this horse represented some of my own reactions in life. When faced with opportunities or goals, it's so important that I get clear about what I want and act with intention and purpose. When my thoughts and actions are in alignment, I am much more likely to achieve my goals and move toward my dreams.
So often, many of us go about life not acting in "alignment." We may say we "really" want something (to lose weight, have a more fulfilling career, or spend more quality time with our kids), yet we don't act with intention and with purpose. We don't commit to it and we don't go for it full-on. We go for it in a wishy-washy, maybe 'this-will-happen-if-I'm-lucky sort of way. Our actions don't reflect what we say we want. Our minds - with our fears, our ambivalence or our mental blocks - "trick" us into thinking that we can't do it, or stop us from going for it for some reason.
I'm so grateful to this beautiful, one-eyed horse for teaching me - not just in my cognitive awareness but with a "body" experience - such an important lesson that will continue to instruct me as I move forward toward my hopes and dreams.
Who knew how much a horse could teach a person? As a long-time dog owner and animal lover, I was always aware of the powerful healing potential animals can have. I always knew instinctively - and now I know it to be true based on my knowledge of the brain - that mammals have an ability to feel, connect with and care for others.
What I didn't realize was how much a horse could teach me about myself - and in such a short time!
After spending half a day today at Riding Far Farm with my friend and colleague, Paul Haefner and his partner, Elizabeth Siegert, I am awed by the incredible capacity a horse has to reflect back to me my own "stuff" - fears, limiting beliefs, ways of relating to others, and strengths. Horses are incredibly intuitive and therefore provide a non-judgmental mirror; and in that mirror, I was able to see patterns (some effective and some not so effective) that I use in my life.
In the first "exercise" (all of the exercises are done on the ground; no riding involved), we were instructed to introduce ourselves to each of the three horses in the ring. The first one was easy - I stretched my hand forward, used my high-pitched "it's okay sweetie" voice and let the horse come to me. We bonded. The second horse was pretty much the same thing. (Paul wondered if this is how I usually get people to respond to me - sweetly rather than more assertively...hmmm, good question).
But the third - ah, not so easy. I saw that big horse with one missing eye who showed no interest whatsoever in me, who kept eating his grass when I used my tried-and-true techniques, and I was stuck. I felt the fear ("he's dangerous") rise up in me and after a minute or two of "trying," I backed off.
In the second exercise, we were asked to work as a team to put a harness around one of the horses. As the "leader" of my team, I, curiously, chose the "dangerous" horse. And each time we approached, he walked away, over to another patch of grass to continue his lunch. Again and again and again. I wanted to give up. (Same thing as earlier - who wants to be rejected over and over??!). I was "sure" that this horse would NEVER allow us to harness him. And, I feared, if we kept trying, he would certainly attack us.
Luckily, I recognized this fear as irrational. I recognized a pattern in myself of wanting to "give up" when the going gets too tough; when I am faced with something I decide is "too scary"; or when I'm afraid I'll fail (or be rejected somehow). Having that awareness allowed me to say to my team, "let's approach him with confidence. No more beating around the bush; no more giving him the message that we're ambivalent and unsure of ourselves. Let's let him know we mean business here!"
And guess what? On that turn, the horse responded. He let us put the harness on him and he even stood there for a while with us once it was on.
A huge lesson for me: My reaction to this horse represented some of my own reactions in life. When faced with opportunities or goals, it's so important that I get clear about what I want and act with intention and purpose. When my thoughts and actions are in alignment, I am much more likely to achieve my goals and move toward my dreams.
So often, many of us go about life not acting in "alignment." We may say we "really" want something (to lose weight, have a more fulfilling career, or spend more quality time with our kids), yet we don't act with intention and with purpose. We don't commit to it and we don't go for it full-on. We go for it in a wishy-washy, maybe 'this-will-happen-if-I'm-lucky sort of way. Our actions don't reflect what we say we want. Our minds - with our fears, our ambivalence or our mental blocks - "trick" us into thinking that we can't do it, or stop us from going for it for some reason.
I'm so grateful to this beautiful, one-eyed horse for teaching me - not just in my cognitive awareness but with a "body" experience - such an important lesson that will continue to instruct me as I move forward toward my hopes and dreams.
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